When Gods Attack!
by Kikibee yes I'm both
Summary: What happens when the Gods switchoff NealYuki with KelDom? Only time will tell! Repeat after me: I am One with the Review.
1. The Introduction

Hey! R/R, k? (P.S: this is only an introduction, given to add a touch of dry wit mixed with American humor.)

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**When Gods Attack!**

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       Why do bad things always happen to good people? No, seriously. It always starts with a perfect day that ends with a regrettable bang. All that unfolds is a crazed mess that slowly lumbers to a simple solution.

       Don't you hate those stories?!!

       Great, because I'm writing one! (yep! I've got to admit it. I'm even being "converted". Scary.)


	2. The Perfect Day

To read my disclaimers, click on that blue button that says "Kikibee". Thanks! 

 _Thoughts= _

_Speak= ""_

When Gods Attack!

       Well.

          It all started with a perfect day, as usual. The sun had shined brightly all day, not too brightly or it wouldn't have been perfect. The pages had worked hard. Now, not too hard, or else Eda Bell wouldn't have corrected them so many times and the day would be far too perfect. 

And on this afternoon in June, this haven called a perfect day, the Gods snapped. After all, by their standards, a perfect day isn't perfect. It's boring.

"That is IT! I have it!" shouts Mithros when, for the third time that day, two kingdoms joined peacefully by the marriage of two royal young adults.

"What is it, Mithros?" questions nonchilantly the Goddess as she sends a servant to pick more grapes from a nearby vine.

"This DAY! This whole stinkin' DAY, that's what!"

"So? What can we do about it? Ruin it? After all the trouble we've gone through to repair it? HELL, NO! Besides, they do that enough on their own."

"Well, on this day, things have to go wrong, because they are just too right!"

"I agree," aided a voice coming from behind a pillar. "You are right, Mithros," repeated the Graveyard Hag as she came out of the shadows and sat upon a cushion. "However, whatever you do, it may be done to neither Daine, nor Numair. They are getting ready to have their first child, and need all of the sanity they can get. Well,… at least Numair."

"Request granted," nodded Mithros.

The Goddess quickly added, "Let my dear Lioness and her family miss out on your games, too! With three small children and two teenagers, Hell should beset anyone whom dare disturb her already turbulent life. Besides, she is one of my most prized Chosen and would be greatly missed."

"Request granted, though it kind of knocks the fun out of things," wistfully sighs Mithros. "You Goddesses and your favoritism. Now, what am I going to do to shake the Tortallans a bit."

The Goddess raised her eyebrow. "Why a Tortallan?"

"Because that's our usual gig. Y'know. Back in High School? The Promise to make sure that Tortall got it's fill of meddling Gods and Goddesses to make up for all of those years of peace?"

"Whatever. Anyway, maybe there is a way to get things going…"

"We're all ears."

"So, Meathead? What is it like being married?" teased Dom. Kel and Dom had decided to take the newly married couple out to eat as a wedding gift.

"I feel like a new man!" declared Neal, as he winked at Yuki. Being married to the worlds most open man had brought her out. "So, Kel? How does it feel to know that you are dating the biggest bonehead on Earth?"

"Ouch! Okay! No more 'meatheads'! Happy?" surrendered Dom, causing Kel to kiss him on the cheek. Yuki openly blushed and Neal whistled.

"It feels great!" reassured Kel as the food came.

"I agree!" aided Dom  as he grabbed his fork.

However, right before his hand connected with the fork, Neal gently kicked him under the table.

"Aren't you forgetting the family tradition, Masbolle?" slyly questioned Neal. "The royal taste testers taste first." 

And with that, Neal dung into his food.

But his fork never reached his salad, nor his spoon reach the soup.

Instead, he kind of went right through it.

And the other three went with him.

Like it? 

_I hoped so._

_Review, k?_


	3. When good Gods go Bad

_My disclaimer is in the directory for all of my stories._

_R/R, k?_

When Gods Attack- 2

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          "Where in the Hell are we?!!"

          "Not Hell. Heavens," slowly whispered Kel.

          And, of course, Kel was right, for where they landed is not where they were before. Oh, it was quite far from it. As a matter of fact, they didn't even land in Corus.

          They were in the Realm of the Gods.

          And in those few seconds of realization, even Neal's mouth was left speechless.

          That is…

          Until the Gods showed up.

          "Woah,… Woah," stammered Neal as the Mother Goddess approached them. He rose on to one knee to try to cover his childlike state of mind. Fortunately, the Mother was used to these displays.

          Besides,

          Dom was doing it, too.

          "Enough, my children," gently whispered the Goddess, so as not to cause them much hearing loss.

          However, Mithros was not as generous.

          They were forced to tears as Mithros said, "What did you do that for?!"

          "So we could see who was who and who pairs with who. After all, you don't want to send two together that can make a legitimate three. Then the day would be more so 'Perfect', as you so gently put it!" reasoned the Mother. "And please do speak gently, as their ears are sensitive." Mithro fumed silently until the Graveyard Hag touched his shoulder.

          "I don't think it's a good idea to argue in front of the mortals." Mithros and the Mother froze in their tracks. She blushed brighter and brighter until Mithros cleared his throat.

          "Um… Mithros? I don't intend to be insubordinate, but what are we doing here?" carefully questioned Dom.

          Before Mithros could stammer out an answer, the Graveyard Hag quickly interjected, "You will know soon enough. The important thing is that you were chosen by Mithros."

          Silence reigned superior in the room, opposing the thoughts the Gods sent and received from each other. AN: Gmail!

          GoddessGirl: I think I've found a way to determine who's with who.

          Bago'Hag: You have? Girrrrrrrl, you do waaaaaaaaaaaaay too much thinking in one day. MightyOne? Have any comments?

          MightyOne: Zzzzzzzz…

          GoddessGirl: MIGHTYONE!!!!!! WHAT DO YOU THINK?

          MightyOne: Data Does Not Compute… Data Does Not Compute…

          Bago'Hag: Ugh…

Bago'Hag has logged off.

          GoddessGirl: L-O-S-E-R!

GoddessGirl has logged off.

          MightyOne: AM NOT!

MightyOne has logged off.

          The Goddess, finally having the chance to get a good look at the mortal, casually whispers, "Would you all like to join us for dinner?"

          "Sure!I'mSTARVING!Wewerebroughthererightbeforedinnertime.Well,actually,wewereabouttoeatand-," suddenly a feminine hand slapped over Neal's mouth.

          "What he means," covers Yuki, "Is that we humbly accept your offer."

          "But, of course!" assures Kel, who is the poor soul with her hand over Neal's mouth.

          "Better now than after Death!" aids Dom, who is, in the same moment, giving Neal death looks.

          "Great! Then stay here for a few seconds, and we'll be right back with the food!"

          Now, audience, I would like to let you know that none of what they said was true, because the food didn't arrive in a few seconds. It arrived instantly, and the Gods didn't come  with the food. They came after. But the most suspicious thing they did wrong was arrived LATE.

          AFTER their guests had seated themselves. And every one of them noticed.

          But they didn't suspect a thing.

          And when they grew tired **IMMEDIATEDLY** after feasting on ambrosia, no one suspected a thing.

          Why, the only thing they noticed was feeling like a baby in a cradle as they were carried to their final destination.

          'Let the games begin.'

_Like it?_

_I would like to see five new reviews before I write the next chapter._

_Oh, and I will only be able to write on weekends, now that Spring Break is over, so you all have plenty of time._


	4. Here

It's been a while, so I'll just be honest: I was lazy. I've been lazy for the past many years. I'll probably be lazy for the rest of my life. Still, I'll try to met the obligations. So, for the first time in almost forever, I'm updating these stories. I'll start by using the chapters I already have written. When the time comes, I'll write more. Deal? I wrote the first eight chapters or so about three to four years ago, but didn't type them up. Now, typing is almost fun, so type is what I'll do. Please, review! I mean, these stories were written when I was around thirteen. I doubt they're near perfection. I don't own T.P.'s characters (but I do wish I could be locked in a room with Neal without his wife…)

When Gods Attack!

Chapter 3

"Where are we?" said Neal not for the first time that day.

And (for once),

"I… don't know."

Kel did not have an answer.

There they both sat in the center of a large circular room with no windows, nor doors, but infinite light. Neal looked around.

"You know, Kel, for such a large room, it really doesn't contain much. I mean, there is just this lavender loveseat (ew), that old fridge, this cheap-looking stove, and a TV screen (without a remote, might I add)." Neal paused and looked at Kel only to see her openly staring at him with her lips slightly apart. "What?"

"…How do you know those words?"

"How, that's simple," began Neal. "I just…" His voice faded away as he realized an important fact: he did not have a clue.

Suddenly, the TV screen lit up. "You are in the Realm of the Gods!" thundered Mithros. A pale hand was seen daintily slapping him across the face only to be connected to the Goddess as she pushed Mithros out of the way seconds later.

MightyOne: Hey! I bought the camera!

GoddessGirl: I bought the house, so back off.

"What he means is," she began, taking a deep breath, "you'vebeenkidnappedandcarriedofftoanalternatedimensionforyourdismayandourownprivateenjoyment."

"…"

"…"

"…So, basically, no one is going to find us any time soon?" Neal asked.

The Goddess touched her chin, tilting her face just enough for a good picture. "Pretty much."

"Well," grumbled Mithros, "Now that my fellow Goddess has given my plans away, I have only to say that you must do a certain thing before you can escape your miserable plight! THAT ALONE WILL SAVE YOU! MUAH, HA, HA, HA!"

"…Okay."

"cough cough Hmm, well… We're off! Enjoy your time together!" yelled Mithros as he backed away from the screen.

"P.S.," whispered the Goddess, "the answers to your questions are as follows:

We won't hurt you.

Kel, you're not dead.

You take care of yourselves.

No, I'm NOT available, Neal.

We filled your memory with these words.

Kel, when you complete the task, you will go almost directly home.

The closer you get, the more clues given.

I won't always give the clues.

Yes, Neal. I think I'm hot-stuff, too.

I wish you luck on Mithros' Quest!

Bon Voyage!" With all said and done, the screen quietly clicked off.

Neal and Kel sat staring at the screen in a disturbed silence, both stuck in thoughts of all the people they won't see, places they won't go, and things they won't do.

"I may never see Dom again…," whispered Kel to herself as tears clouded her vision, and, just like that, the unbreakable knight had been broken. Then, the oddest thing occurred. Neal got up, walked over to Kel, and rocked her as she cried. "I don't know what's happening to them."

"Neither do I, Kel."

"He could be dying somewhere…"

"Shh… My wife is missing, too."

"We could have had a future."

"You still can."

"Not when he's not here."

"But, he is here." Kel hopped up, almost shocked.

"Well, where is he?"

Neal stood up. "He's right here," he pointed, "in your heart." There they stood for a while, leaning in each other's arms, using the other as a safeguard against the dark thoughts that lay in the shadows of their minds.

Kel shifted. "I guess, Neal… but what happens when I can't find that?"

Neal didn't dare to answer.


End file.
